2) Watch again the video tutorial on how to write a story and memorize the 8 steps.
3) Brainstorm ideas and plan your story.
4) Write your story in about 100 words in an appropriate style in the comment box below by Friday 3th April 2020. Remember to choose "anonymous" as an identity, but write your name and the initial of your surname before starting to write.
SILVIA C.
ReplyDeleteThe missing dogs
I was walking behind my house when I saw two man.
At the beginning they were talking and they seemed worried. I tried to listen what they were talking about when, soon after, they began to walk. Consequently they were coming towards me and I was afraid. Right after they were in front of me but before I had tried to escape. I was surprised when they asked me if I could help them to find their dogs.
Finally, after two hours, we found their two dogs at the park near my house and at the very end they gave me an hug.
Your story is engaging. Content is relevant to the title and the picture, and it is mostly detailed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed correctly and sequenced.
Acceptable achievement of the communicative aim since some parts are unclear. Errors sometimes impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "two man" "At the beginning they were talking and" "listen what" "Consequently" "Right after" " but before I had tried to escape" "an hug".
All in all, quite good realization of the task.
SILVIA C.
DeleteThe missing dogs
I was walking behind my house when I saw two men.
Those men were talikng to each other but they seemed worried. I tried to listen the topic of which they were talking when, soon after, they began to walk. After a while they were coming towards me and I was afraid. Suddenly they were in front of me but first I had tried to run away. I was surprised when they asked me if I could help them to find their dogs.
Finally, after two hours, we found their two dogs at the park near my house and at the very end they gave me a gift for helping them.
Francesco Cino
ReplyDeleteA crime scene with two different friends.
two months ago, there was a crime in the Bronx in new York where Agent Andrews was charged with solving it. he thought it was easy, but after several attempts he went mad, it was too complicated. he was thinking of a solution when it occurred to him that his friend, a basketball player, lived in that area. he called his friend Smith and explained what was going on, and in a few minutes Smith said everything he had seen, in this way Agent Andrews found the criminal and arrested him. so it was that the two different friends were very similar.
DeleteContent is relevant to the picture. The first part of your story is engaging while the second part is too vague. Some details are missing. For this reason, the sequencing and the connection of the events is unclear.
Acceptable organisation of the text. Paragraphing is missing. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understading. The following phrases have some mistakes: "was charged with solving it" "when it occurred to him" "so it was that".
All in all, acceptable realization of the task.
A crime scene
DeleteTwo months ago, there was a crime in the Bronx in new York, where Agent Andrews was commissioned to solve it. He thought it was easy, but after several attempts he went Carey, it was too complicated. He was thinking of a solution when he remembered that his friend, a basketball player, lived in that area. He called his friend Smith and explained what was going on, bit he already knew everything because he had seen it with his eyes and in a few minutes Smith said everything he had seen, in this way Agent Andrews found the criminal and arrested him. It was like this that the two different friends were very similar.
He went mad, not Carey, sorry :(
DeleteSabrina F.
ReplyDeleteThe car accident
I was walking quietly to visit my sister when suddenly a roar is heard...
I turned and saw that two cars had made an accident, the cars had overturned on the road and one of them had also caught fire!
Everyone looked at the scene and I also saw my two neighbors from afar, they were without words, both tried to understand what had happened and they were looking the cars with a curious and a bit shocked look.
Help arrived soon after and the victims were taken to the hospital, one driver died but all the other people were saved.
Fortunately these are not things that happen every day!
Excellent achievement of the communicate aim. Good organisation of the text as all the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
DeleteContent is relevant to the picutre and your title. It is fully detailed and the target reader is fully informed.
Good range of lexical and grammatical items with a good level of accuracy. It shows some ambition. The following phrases have some mistakes: "from afar" "were looking the cars". Make it personal the phrase "a roar is heard", using the active structure.
All in all, quite excellent realisation of the task.
Sabrina F.
DeleteThe car accident
I was walking quietly to visit my sister when suddenly I heard a roar...
I turned and saw that two cars had made an accident, the cars had overturned on the road and one of them had also caught fire!
Everyone looked at the scene and I also saw my two neighbors from a distance, they were without words, both tried to understand what had happened and they were watching the cars with a curious and a bit shocked look.
Help arrived soon after and the victims were taken to the hospital, one driver died but all the other people were saved.
Fortunately these are not things that happen every day!
CHIARA R.
ReplyDeleteA FRIENDLY LOVE
Jhon is a 30 years old man who live in Brasil, he's a doctor and 10 years ago he meet Marcus.Marcus was 35 when they meet and he was really sick.
Jhon helped him for 5 long years but finally Marcus healed. In those years they became friends but Marcus started fall in love with his doctor Jhon. Nowadays he find the courage to tell Jhon about his feelings, even if he knows he could ruin their beautiful friendship.
Marcus buys some flowers and go to John's house. He open his heart to Jhon and... Jhon kiss him! Now they are a beautiful couple.
Content is quite relevant to the picture. Your story is engaging and target reader is well informed.
DeleteAccetable organisation of the text. Ideas are clear but sequencing can be improved.
Acceptable achievement of the communicative aim since errors sometimes impede understaning. The following phrases have some mistakes: "a 30 years old man" a man who live" "10 years ago he meet" "when they meet" "finally" " started fall" "Nowadays" "he find" "Marcus buys" "and go" "He open" "Jhon kiss". Verb tenses must be consistent.
All in all, acceptable realization of the task.
CHIARA R.
DeleteA FRIENDLY LOVE
Jhon is 30 and he live in Brasil, he's a doctor and 10 years ago he meet Marcus.Marcus was 35 when they meet and he was really sick.
Jhon helped him for 5 long years but finally Marcus healed. In those years they became friends but Marcus started fall in love with his doctor Jhon. Today he finds the courage to tell Jhon about his feelings, even if he knows he could ruin their beautiful friendship.
Marcus buys some flowers and then goes to John's house. He opens his heart to Jhon and... Jhon kisses him! Now they are a beautiful couple.
Escape for freedom
ReplyDeleteThis two men are walking together in their street. They live in the same house.
At a certain point they heard the sound of the police sirens and, frightened, turned. As they expected, the agents were in front of their home and they tried to hide theirself. In that moment they remembered a bad thing that they did many years earlier and they decided to go away to another country, until the police will find them again. The thing that they did is a robbery and the police already found they four times.
Who knows if this time they will be able to hide better...
Virginia P
DeleteYour story is engaging. Content is relavant to the picture and it is mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammartical items. Errors occasionally impede understading. The following phrases have some mistakes: "This two" "in their street" "agents" "theirself" "In that moment" "country," "already found" "found they".
All in all, good realization of the task.
Virginia P
DeleteESCAPE FOR FREEDOM
These two men are walking together near their home. They live in the same house.
At a certain point they heard the sound of the police sirens and, frightened, turned. As they expected, the policemen were in front of their home and they tried to hide themselves. In that moment they remembered a bad thing that they did many years earlier and they decided to go away to another town, until the police will find them again. The thing that they did is a robbery and the police found them already four times.
Who knows if this time they will be able to hide better...
VERONICA A.
ReplyDeleteThe two drug dealers
One day while I was walking, I saw two men who were arguing loudly themselves.
To try to hear what they were arguing about, I decided to hide behind a tree to hear better, only that at a certain point I fell and they discovered me. I started running as fast as I could to try and hide but luckily I turned the corner and there were policemen ready to protect me. They immediately stood around the corner and when the two men arrived, the two policemen took them and arrested them.
After a few hours, the two policemen asked me thank you because it turned out that the two arrested were also two highly sought after drug dealers.
Your story is engaging. Content is relavant to the picture and it is mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Your writing is clear and easy to understand.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammartical items. Errors occasionally impede understading. The following phrases have some mistakes: "who were arguing loudly themselves" "only that at a certain point" "asked me thank" "the two arrested" " two highly sought after drug dealers"
All in all, good realization of the task.
VERONICA A.
DeleteThe two drug dealers
One day while i was walking, I saw two middle-aged men arguing out loud.
To try to hear better what they were arguing, I decided to hide behind a tree, only then I fell and the two men discovered me. I started running as fast as possible to try and hide, but luckily I turned the corner and there were two policemen ready to protect me. They immediately stood around the corner and when the two men arrived, the two policemen took them and arrested them.
After a few hours, the two policemen congratulated me for helping to arrest the two men and they also told me that they had discovered that the two men arrested were also two drug dealers.
Michelle F
ReplyDeleteTHE MYSTERIOUS MAN
A few months ago my friend Andrew and I were called to solve a case: we had to find a mysterious man who had stolen in many shops for days and every time he managed to escape without leave any traces.
That afternoon we decided to protect the most important jewelry in the city: we were sure that it would be his next stop so we got to the right distance to see whoever came in.
We were looking the shop when suddenly a man came with a gun who quickly entered in the jewelry. Immediately after we ran towards the entrance.
When we entered he wasn't there and we were shocked because very little time had passed.
At the end we were unable to discover the man's secret, but sooner or later we will take him.
DeleteContent is relevant to the picture and the title. Your story is engaging and it is mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed.
Good organisation of the text as most of the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing must be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understading. The following phrases have some mistakes: "in many shops" "for days" "without leave" "We were looking the shop" "a man came with a gun who quickly entered" "time had passed" "At the end".
All in all, good realization of the task even if word limit is exceeded (+33 words)
Michelle F
DeleteTHE MYSTERIOUS MAN
A few months ago my friend Andrew and I were called to solve a case. We had to find a mysterious man who had stolen from many shops. Every time he managed to escape whitout leaving any traces.
That afternoon we decided to protect the most important jewelry in the city. We were sure that it would be his next stop so we got to the right distance to see whoever came in. Suddenly a man with a gun entered in the jewelry.
Immediately after we ran towards the entrance. When we entered he wasn't there and we were shocked because very little time was passed.
Lastly we were unable to discover the man's secret but sooner or later we will take him.
Federica Z.
ReplyDeleteTHE AGREEMENT.
After three years of divorce, James decides to go to court with his lawyer Robert to decide who among the parents to give custody of the children of age.
They woul have preferred to stay with James because the had had numerous quarrels with his mother because of his little presence at home.
After the court meeting, the judge decided to listen to the will of the children and to entrust them James, but establishing regular meetings with the mother according to their will and their commitments.
At this point the boys moved permanently to their father's house respecting the commitment established in court.
Content is not relevant to the picture.
DeleteAcceptable organisation of the text since ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing must be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Errors frequently impede understading. The following phrases have some mistakes: "After three years of divorce" " who among the parents to give custody of the children of age" "woul have preferred" "his mother" "his little presence" "entrust them James" "the mother"
Your story needs improvents.
Federica Z.
DeleteI sell it in parks.
Jay and Ruzek are two police officers who have always been busy fighting drug trafficking in parks. In Chicago's Millennium Park, substances such as exstasis and Marijuana are passed off to minors and the two policemen are on the scene to arrest the drug dealer. At one point Jay sees a group of kids with money in hand ready to make the exchange. At that point Ruzek and Jay intervene and arrest the drug dealer. The boys are accompanied to the district where the parents are called. Despite the drug dealer's arrest, the two agents know that the drug trade will never and.
Francesco Peretti
ReplyDeleteCROSSROAD ACCIDENT
One day I was going to visit my grandparents at their house but, walking through the street I hearded two people fighting.
So, curious about what was happening, I turned the corner in the direction of the two person for trying to understand what they was fighting for and so, later, I discovered that they was fighting because the man with the shirt was going with the car at high speed and without paying attention to the other cars so, at the crossroad, he crushed the car of the man with the hoodie.
Fortunately at the end the first man apologise to the second.
The content is relevant to the picture and the title you have chosen. It mostly detailed, so the target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Good achievement of the communicative aim.
Appropriate range of lexical an grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "I hearded" " two person" "for trying" "they was" "the man with the shirt" "the car of the man with the hoodie" "the first man apologise".
All in all, good realization of the task.
CROSSROAD ACCIDENT
DeleteOne day I was going to visit my grandparents at their house but, walking through the street I' ve heard two people fighting.
So, curious about what was happening, I turned the corner in the direction of the two person for trying to understand what they were arguing about and so, later, I discovered that they were fighting because the white man was going with the car at high speed and without paying attention to the other cars so, at the crossroad, he crushed the car of the black man.
Fortunately at the end the man on the left apologise to the man on the right.
Foolproof investigators
ReplyDeleteIt was Easter Sunday, two men who are around 40 are having a barbecue together with their families when they are called by the police station.
They were the best investigators in the city and were often called by various police stations for very strange cases. They immediately went to a park, the most famous in the city, the Central park. There were many policemen and a body on the ground full of blood and a woman who looked at him smiling.
They immediately began to investigate asking the woman what had happened and she replied that it had been a sacrifice wanted by a king, they started looking for the king and discovered that he was the parish priest of the city. They immediately arrested the woman and the parish priest and returned to celebrate with their families.
SERRA SABRINA
The content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. The text is fully detailed, so target reader is fully informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Good achievement of the communicative aim since the text is very clear.
Appropriate range of of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede undestading. Use narattive tenses throughout the text ("who are" "are having" must be changed). Passive structures should be avoided, so make "they are called by the police station" active. The following phrases have some mistakes: "for very strange cases" "the Central park"
All in all, good realization of the task even if word limit is exceeded (+39 words).
SERRA SABRINA.
DeleteIt was Easter Sunday, two men who are around 40 are having a barbecue together with their families when they were called by the police station.
They were the best investigators in the city and were often called by various police stations to solve cases. They immediately went to Central park. There were many policemen and a body on the ground full of blood and a woman who looked at him smiling.
They immediately began to investigate asking the woman what had happened and she replied that it had been a sacrifice wanted by a king, they discovered that he was the parish priest of the city. They immediately arrested the woman and the parish priest and returned to celebrate with their families.
Antonio Maresca
ReplyDeleteTHE TRAP DOOR
It was a normal summer afternoon when Mike's and Stuart's lives had changed forever.
They were quietly walking in the park when Mike tripped in a strange trap door hidden under a pile of leaves.
Immediately the two policemen became curious and decided to open the trap door and got into the mysterious room.
They couldn't believe in their eyes when they saw a lot of dead people.
Mike decided to call others policemen but there he didn't get a signal and he realized that Stuart had disappeared.
So he decided to go out of the room when he saw Stuart in front of him with a gun on his right hand ready to shot him, Stuart was the killer!
That afternoon only one of them left the room, Mike had prefired Stuart and the mystery was solved.
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is fully detailed, so the target reader is fully informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing must be improved.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "had changed" "believe in their eyes" "but there he didn't get a signal" "when he saw Stuart".
All in all, good realizazion of the task even if word limit is exceeded (+38 words).
THE TRAP DOOR
DeleteIt was a normal summer afternoon when Mike's and Stuart's lives changed forever.
They were quietly walking in the park when Mike tripped in a strange trap door hidden under a pile of leaves.
Immediately the two policemen became curious and decided to open the trap door and got into the mysterious room.
They were shocked when they saw a lot of dead people.
Mike decided to call others policemen but there the phone didn't get a signal and he realized that Stuart had disappeared.
So Mike decided to go out of the room but suddenly he saw Stuart in front of him with a gun on his right hand ready to shot him.
Stuart was the killer!
That afternoon only one of them left the room, Mike had prefired Stuart and the mystery was solved.
Andrea C.
ReplyDeleteBODYGUARD
Mr Ripley is a famous singer. A long time ago he was feeling menaced because a lot of people wanted to approach him. He asked his secretary to find someone able to defend him. Shortly after having met a lot of men, he knew the young boy Kevin.
Kevin was from the suburb and he had been practicing karate for ten years. He could have been the perfect bodyguard. Before accepting this work, Kevin was a bit worried about working for a superstar.
As soon as Kevin started to work for Mr Ripley they became really good friends. Now Mr Ripley feels safe, he knows that Kevin always looks after him.
Content is relevant to the picture and mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed. A more engaging title should be chosen.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Your text is clear.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "menaced" "approach" " from the suburb" "could have been".
All in all, good realization of the task.
Andrea C.
DeleteTHE RIGHT ONE
Mr Ripley is a famous singer. A long time ago he was feeling threatened because a lot of people wanted to get closer to him. He asked his secretary to find someone able to defend him. Shortly after having met a lot of men, he knew the young boy Kevin.
Kevin was from the outskirts and he had been practicing karate for ten years. Maybe he was the perfect bodyguard. Before accepting this work, Kevin was a bit worried about working for a superstar.
As soon as Kevin started to work for Mr Ripley they became really good friends. Now Mr Ripley feels safe, he knows that Kevin always looks after him.
Edoardo R
ReplyDeleteA big misconception
Alessio was going at home and was driving fast because it was late. It was a cola day, so Alessio was very covered.
Arrived in front of the house, while he was getting out of the car, two men approached. They pulled out guns and coats of arms to arrest him. They were two plainclothes policemen. They were sure that was the killer that had been reported last night.
Alessio ,that was very scared and not very brave, closed his eyes and was starting scream. He was convinced that they were two thieves.
Finally ,in a few minutes, they clarified the misconception apologetically
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is mostly detailed and target reader is well informed. Your story is engaging.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Sentences are a little bit too wordy. Errors sometimes impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "going at home" "a cola day" "covered" "Arrived in front of the house" "pulled out" "coats of arms" "that was the killer" "was starting scream" "apologetically".
All in all, quite good realization of the task.
Edoardo R
DeleteWhy didn't i think of it ?
It was 2:30 p.m.; it wasn't a sunny day the two agent , Dacker and Luke were contacted to manage a robbery at City National Bank
During the negotation with the kidnappers , one of them said to Dacker "I Will get out of here by passing next to you ".he hadn't listened to those words . Other days passed, but wasn't seen the end .
The sixth day there was a big explosion . Unfortunately everyone a went out . Dacker tried to enter , stopped by several clashes, but one felt to more . That people smiled at him.
Dacker and Luke went inside , but there wasn't anythings .yet nobody had bag.
Where was the money ?
Days later, some policemen went to the Bank, now destroyed, to collect evidence , they said . When arrived Luke and Dacker , found just a hole in the wall; where the kidnappers had been hidden away the money .
At the end only things left was the " why didn't i think of it ?" On people's mouths
Francesco V
ReplyDeleteMURDER AT THE CAFÉ
one day in a café of London a customer was killed but nobody who had committed the crime. A detective questioned the owner of the café.
The detective started inquiring to understand what had happened. Firstly he question the people that living near the café, many of them didn't know anything, but a man said that when he heard the shot's the café was ckosed. The next day the detective asked its owner to show him the safety videos but nothing had been filmed when the murder had been committed. At last the police found the gun in the owner's house and arrested he. The case was solved.
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is mostly detailed, so the target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as ideas are mostly paragraphed and sequenced.
Errors sometimes impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "of London" "nobody who had committed the crime." "he question" "that living " "the shot's" "was ckosed" "its owner" "the safety videos" "had been filmed" "At last" "he".
All in all, quite good realization of the task.
FRANCESCO V
DeleteMURDER AT THE CAFÉ
one day in a café in London a customer was killed but nobody knew who had committed the crime.
A detective questioned the owner of the café.
The detective started inquiring to understand what had happened.
Firstly he questioned the people living near the café. Many of them didn't know anything, but a man said that when he heard the shots the café was closed.
The next day the detective asked the café's owner to show him the security videos but they were off when the murder had been committed.
At the end the police found the gun in the owner's house and arrested the owner.
The case was solved.
Daniel G.
ReplyDeleteThe big plan.
3 years ago two poor english men from London came together in a park for speaking about a plan that will make them rich.
The First man was an ex businessman that lost all so much time before the meet; the second man Lost his work and his house.
On Christmas, when all londoners were at home with their families, the two men went in the most important bank of London and stole all money in the caveau.
They were wanted for months, but nobody had more their news in England.
Your content is relevant to the picture and it is mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced. Paragraphing must be improved.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes "english" "came together" "for speaking" "will make" "lost" "the meet" "On Christmas" "londoners" "went in" "had more their news".
All in all, good realization of the task.
Daniel Griot
DeleteThe big plan
3 years ago two poor english men from London gathered at park for speak about a plan that will make them rich.
The First man was an ex businessman that lost all so much time before meet; the second man lost his work and his house.
At Christmas, when all were at home with their families, the two men break in the most important bank of London and stole all money present in the caveau making one of the biggest heist in the history of London.
They were wanted for months, but they disappear from all England.
SIMONE G.
ReplyDeleteThe drug dealer
John Holmes is a policeman who works at the FBI, who is trying to stop one of the big pieces of drug in Boston, so he is go undercover for arrest him, the name of the drug dealer is Enzo del Rio.
They had agreed to meet at a bench in the common park, the deal skipped cause Enzo del Rio noticed that John is a plainclothes policeman, so Enzo shoot him, injuring him in the upper part of the abdomen, John was taken with urgency in hospital end Enzo Del Rio managed to escape, after a few minutes John died.
Content is relevant to the picture and it is mostly detailed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved.
Sentences are too wordy. Errors sometimes impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "the big pieces of drug" "he is go undercover for" "at a bench" "in the common park" "cause" " shoot" "abdomen" "in hospital" "end".
All in all, quite good realization of the task.
John Holmes is a policeman who works at the FBI, who is trying to stop one of the most dangerous drug dealer in Boston, so he is go undercover for arrest him, the name of the drug dealer is Enzo del Rio.
DeleteThey had agreed to meet at a plank in a park, the deal skipped cause Enzo del Rio noticed that John is a plainclothes policeman, so Enzo shoot him, injuring him in the upper part of the body, John was taken with urgency in hospital end Enzo Del Rio managed to escape, after a few minutes John died.
Emanuele F.
ReplyDeleteA POLICE SHORT STORY
Chuck and Jason arrived in Roguetown for some days for a holiday but soon they were obbligate to return in service. There has been an accident between two cars. The driver was drunk and hir an other car making it end in the river.
In search of the man ,they met Sarah, the propriety of an orphanage that invited they to visit the structure. They try to go out but Sarah insisted because they are both exellent policemen. They questioned all the neighborhood and at the end they find a woman that saw the guilty. He was injured so wa going to the hspital but he didn't do in time. He was die.
Content is relevant to the picture, but some details are missing. Target readers is on the whole informed. A more engaging title should be chosen.
DeleteThe sequence of the events is unclear.
Limited achievement of the communicative aim. Errors frequently impede understanding. The following sentences have some mistakes: "for some days for a holiday" "obbligate" "return in service""has been" "hir an other" "making it end in the river" "In search of the man" "the propriety of" "invited they". "They try to go out" "they are" "at the end" "they find" "that saw the guilty" "He" "wa going to the hspital" "he didn't do in time""He was die". Please do not use Google translate to do a writing task.
Your story needs improvements.
I know it's a little sad story.
ReplyDeleteEMANUELE F.
GIULIA B
ReplyDeleteTHE ICE CREAM
Jake and Luke were walking in the park with them little niece, when she suddenly disappeared. Not long ago the three of them were talking about going to get and ice cream, because Rachel were hungry. Right after the little girl disappeared the two uncles started to looking everywhere, but they couldn’t find her. Therefore they were calling the police when Luke saw Rachel’s peluche near the ice cream cart, so they decided to go there, and the uncles finally found them niece. She had been gone for just two minutes, but it seemed two years. At least Rachel ate the ice cream that she wanted. (107 words)
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is mostly detailed, so target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "them little niece" "get and ice cream" "Rachel were" "to looking" "them niece".
All in all, good realization of the task.
GIULIA B
DeleteTHE ICE CREAM
Jake and Luke were walking in the park with their little niece, when she suddenly disappeared. Not long ago the three of them were talking about going to get and ice cream, because Rachel was hungry. Right after the little girl disappeared the two uncles started looking everywhere, but they couldn’t find her. Therefore they were calling the police when Luke saw Rachel’s peluche near the ice cream cart, so they decided to go there, and the uncles finally found their niece. She had been gone for just two minutes, but it seemed two years. At least Rachel ate the ice cream that she wanted. (107 words)
ALICE A.
ReplyDeleteTHE END OF A PARTY
I was in my room when I heard several deafening noises.
I didn't understand where they came from so I went downstairs and went out into the garden.
Two unknown men watched in the distance my neighbor Adam's house, who is a few years older than me.
I took courage and I went to them and asked who they were and what they did.
The two men explained to me that they were two policemen.
They were ready to enter Adam's house to end the party too loud and chaotic, since they had received too many complaints.
Very relieved, I went home and told my parents what had happened.
Shortly after the deafening noises disappeared.
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is fully detailed, so target reader is fully informed.
DeleteGood range of lexical and grammatical items with a good level of accuracy. The following phrase has some mistakes: "the party too loud and chaotic".
Good organisation of the text as the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
All in all, very good realization of the task.
ALICE A.
DeleteTHE END OF A PARTY
I was in my room when I heard several deafening noises.
I didn't understand where they came from so I went downstairs and went out into the garden.
Two unknown men watched in the distance my neighbor Adam's house, who is a few years older than me.
I took courage and I went to them and asked who they were and what they did.
The two men explained to me that they were two policemen.
They were ready to enter Adam's house to end the party, beacause it’s noisy and chaotic, and they had received too many complaints.
Very relieved, I went home and told my parents what had happened.
Shortly after the deafening noises disappeared.
The Neighbor
ReplyDeleteIt was a quiet Friday afternoon and I was chilling in the living room, suddenly I hear someone knocking at my door.
When I opened it I saw two strangers that showed me their badges asking me to enter, and I let them in. They started to ask me questions about a thief robbing in my neighborhood.
They showed me photos of the stolen items and I actually recognized one of them, I was really confused.
I took a vase very similiar to the stolen one and explained them it was a gift from Mark, my neighbor.
They broke into his house and arrested him.
The bad luck of Friday 17th maybe exists.
Torrente Alessia
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is fully detailed, so target reader is fully informed.
DeleteGood range of lexical and grammatical items with a good level of accuracy. The following phrases have some mistakes: "I hear" "similiar".
Good organisation of the text as the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
All in all, very good realization of the task.
The Neighbor
DeleteIt was a quiet Friday afternoon and I was chilling in the living room, suddenly I heard someone knocking at my door.
When I opened it I saw two strangers that showed me their badges asking me to enter, and I let them in. They started to ask me questions about a thief robbing in my neighborhood.
They showed me photos of the stolen items and I actually recognized one of them, I was really confused. I took a vase very similar to the stolen one and explained them it was a gift from Mark, my neighbor.
They broke into his house and arrested him. The bad luck of Friday 17th maybe exists.
Torrente Alessia
Brun Noemi
ReplyDelete16 year old girl disappeared.
The case goes to the best detectives who have experience in these situations. The year found after 2 years in a room in the cellar so as not to make her hear from the neighbors when he rapes her. When they find the madman's hiding place to arrest him, the man runs away but is hit by a bullet in the back and dies instantly. The girl is taken to the hospital and after 2 months is left to go home by her parents.
Content is irrelevant to the picture.
DeleteAcceptable organisation of the text.
Errors sometimes impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "The case goes" "The year found " "so as not to make her hear" "he rapes" "they find" " the man runs " "is hit " "dies" "dies" "is left to go home by".
All in all, quite acceptable realization of the task.
Valentina C.
ReplyDeleteSOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
I was walking along the street when I saw a sad episode. A white man, about 45 years old, was discussing with a black man, younger than him, probably of Afro-American origins, when a police car stopped to ask the white man if the other person was bothering him.
The two turned around: the older man had an angry look, his friend's eyes were disappointed. It was a business discussion, they explained to the police, they were a journalist and his assistant, who then decided to write an article in the newspaper to report this episode of racism in which, attending a discussion, the police gave for granted that "the bad guy" was the black person.
Interesting and engaging story. Content is very relevant to the picture and it is fully detailed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced.
Good range of lexical and grammatical items with a good level of accuracy. Sentences are too wordy. The following phrase has some mistakes: "attending a discussion"
All in all, very good realization of the task.
Elena C.
ReplyDeleteA STRANGE HOUSE
Not long ago two mens were walking through a parc when they heard a strange sound ...
Immediately they understood that this sound came from an house near the enter of the parc. Consequently they walked close to the strange house. From time to time they ran or walked in that garden and they known that this house was very strange. There was a murder twenty years ago and from that point on nobody have been living in this house. It was dark and terrible and the walls were grey. But now the two mens could see the door open.
Through it lots of people were walking quietly in the all. All they were wearing dark clothes. Who were they and what were they doing?
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is mostly detailed. Open ending is not so appropriate to the task.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are paragraphed and sequenced.
Errors frequently impede understanding. The following phrases have mistakes: "two mens" "parc" "an house" "the enter" "From time to time" "known" "nobody have" "the two mens" "the door open" "in the all"
All in all, acceptable realization of the task.
Elena C.
DeleteNot long ago two men were walking through a park when they heard a strange sound..
Immediately they understood that this sound came from an house near the entrance gate to the park.Consequently they walked close to the strange house. They usually ran or walked in that garden and they knew that this house was very strange. There was a murder twenty years ago and from that point on nobody have been living in this house.It was dark and terrible and the walls were grey But now the two men could see the door open.
Through it lot of people were walking quietly in the hall.They were restructuring the house!There wasn't any murder in the house and now two person were buying the structure.
Alice Toya
ReplyDeleteThe “Bearers of happiness”
Tom and John are two friends and live together in an attic in the center of Manhattan. They are very different but they have a dream in common, to help children in diffuculty. Tom works at the Manhattan Endoscopy center, one of the most important hospital in this city, in pediatrics. John, instead, has a school of hip hop and he’s a very good dancer. Then, not long ago, they decide to take the hip hop to the hospital. One day John takes a crew of dancer of his school to the hospital and soon after they start dancing in the Hole to involve hospitalised children and their parents. In the beginning the children were shy but then the music comes into every room and everyone start dancing. The event had a great success and consequently they decide to repeat the event every now and then. In conclusion the head of the hospital created a dance school in the hospital and the project is still known today as “bearers of happiness”.
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have chosen. It is fully detailed, so target reader is fully informed.
DeleteGood range of lexical and grammatical items with a good level of accuracy. The following phrases have some mistakes: "in diffuculty" "take the hip hop" " In the beginning" "everyone start"
Good organisation of the text as the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
All in all, very good realization of the task even if the word limit is exceeded (+71)
The “Bearers of happiness”
DeleteTom and John are two friends. They are very different but they have a dream in common, to help children in diffuculty. Tom works at the Manhattan Endoscopy center in pediatrics. John, instead, has a school of hip hop. Then, not long ago, they decide to take these dance to the hospital. One day John takes a group of dancer of his school to the hospital and soon after they start dancing in the Hole to involve hospitalised children and their parents that start dancing. The event had a great success and consequently they decide to repeat the event every now and then. In conclusion the project is still known today as “bearers of happiness”.
SOFIA S.
ReplyDeleteA ROBBERY IN NEW YORK
In a sunny afternoon of May in Brooklyn, the detective Johns was investigating about a robbery in a bank. He stopped a gentleman who was jogging in Central Park and asked him if he had seen a person running with some bags or backpacks. He replied that he had seen someone running with a black bag in his hand going towards a narrow street with an old abandoned library. The detective then gathered his team and went to the library. There, they found four hooded men, that as soon as they saw the police, got into a car and ran away. There was a car chase all over New York, but eventually the police managed to arrest them. The jogging man was rewarded with some money for helping the police find the thieves.
Content is relevant to the picture and to the title you have choses. It is mostly detailed. Target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "of May" "the detective Johns" "investigating about" " The jogging man".
All in all, good realization of the task even if word limit is exceeded (+33)
A ROBBERY IN NEW YORK
DeleteIn a sunny afternoon in Brooklyn, the detective Johns was investigating about a robbery in a bank. He stopped a gentleman who was jogging in Central Park and asked him if he had seen a person running with some bags or backpacks. He replied that he had seen someone running with a black bag in his hand going towards a narrow street with an old abandoned library. The detective then gathered his team and went to the library. There, they found four hooded man, that as soon as they saw the police, got into a car and ran away. There was a car chase all over New York, but eventually the police managed to arrest them. The man who was jogging was rewarded with some money for helping the police find the thieves.
FRANCESCA M.
ReplyDeleteA bad accident.
One hot afternoon, as soon as I left my best friend's house, walking towards my house, I saw in the distance a dog running towards me. This dog was crying and was injured on one leg.
I noticed better of black smoke coming from the direction the dog had come from.
I went where there was that smoke and saw a man under a crushed car and his friend crying with the phone in his hand; he could not understand what was happening and therefore he could not call for help.
I called 118 immediately, while I reassured the two friends to stay calm.
When the ambulance arrived, I helped the boys by taking care of their dog in their absence.
Two days later, they thanked me and hugged me.
I was happy to have helped them.
Content is somehow relevant to the picture. It is mostly detailed, so target reader is well informed.
DeleteGood organisation of the text as most of the ideas are sequenced. Paragraphing should be improved. Watch the following video tutorial on how to write a paragraph: https://youtu.be/2_pZWdF7ujA.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Sentences are too wordy. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "I noticed better of black smoke" "a crushed car ".
All in all, good realization of the task even if word limit is exceeded (+43)
Francesca m.
DeleteA bad accident.
One hot afternoon, as soon as I left my best friend's house, walking towards my house, I saw in the distance a dog running towards me. This dog was crying and was injured on one leg.
I noticed a black smoke coming from the direction the dog had come from.
I went where there was that smoke and saw a man under a car and his friend crying with the phone in his hand; he could not understand what was happening and therefore he could not call for help.
I called 118 immediately, while I reassured the two friends to stay calm.
When the ambulance arrived, I helped the boys by taking care of their dog in their absence.
Two days later, they thanked me and hugged me.
I was happy to have helped them.
Stefano Perotti
ReplyDeleteINVESTIGATION AT THE PARK
In recent times in the parks of Turin the presence of drug dealers is increasingly high.
Last week two plainclothes policemen feigning two tourists went to the Pellerina park to carry out checks.
After a few hours they noticed several suspicious people in a fairly secluded place.
While the two policemen approached the suspicious drug dealer tried to escape but after a few minutes the two managed to reach and arrest him.
After taking him to the barrack they interrogated him discovering that the gang was made up of five other people and without wasting time the two policemen got on their traces.
Content is relevant to the picture and the title you have chosen. It is mostly detailed, so the target reader is well informed.
DeleteQuite good organization fo the text. Ideas are mostly sequenced but paragraphing should be improved.
Appropriate range of lexical and grammatical items. Errors occasionally impede understanding. The following phrases have some mistakes: "carry out checks" "barrack".
All in all , good realization of the task.
Stefano Perotti
ReplyDeleteINVESTIGATION AT THE PARK
In recent times in the parks of Turin the presence of drug dealers is increasingly high.
Last week two plainclothes policemen feigning two tourists went to the Pellerina park to do an investigation.
After a few hours they noticed several suspicious people in a fairly secluded place.
While the two policemen approached the suspicious drug dealer tried to escape but after a few minutes the two managed to reach and arrest him.
After taking him to the police station they interrogated him discovering that the gang was made up of five other people and without wasting time the two policemen got on their traces.