BUSINESS WRITING
Today's lesson focuses on how to write a circular letter.1) Read and study the introductory text p 122.
Then, do # 2 p 122, #3, 4 p 123, #5 p 123 (Cf phraseology p 123)
2) Click here to download the answer keys to the above-mentioned activities. Check the activities you have done.
3) You are the staff representative in a company. The management are proposing some changes to your working hours. You decide to call a meeting with staff to discuss the changes with them. Plan an email to all staff:
- saying what the changes to the working hours will involve
- giving the time and day of the meeting
- explaining why the meeting is important
Write and improve your email in the Cambridge Write & Improve 5A RIM Workbook. (See invitation email to the workbook).
Post your final draft in the comment box below by Thursday 16th April at 1 pm. Remember to choose "anonymous" as an identity, but write your name and the initial of your surname before starting to write.
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteI'm writing to you to say that the management is proposing to change our working hours.
They would like us to work an hour less each day, by recovering it on Saturday morning.
We need to arrange a meeting on Wednesday 3rd May, it's essential to be present, because we will vote to express our opinion on the matter.
Warm regards,
Anna Smith
BMW staff representative
I.M.
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteCorrect opening and closing phrases. Appropriate register.
Here are some mistakes: "the management is proposing" > the management are planning, "by recovering it". The second sentence is not necessary. You missed to write what time the meeting is.
Dear colleagues,
ReplyDeleteDue to the good business period that our company is living the management have decide to increase working time by 10%.
For this reason I've thought to organise a meeting with you on Monday, 20th at 14 pm.
Please be all present since during the meeting we will discuss and decide the new working hours that cannot be changed later.
Yours sincerely,
Alice Stone
Staff representative
BC
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteToo wordy - some info are unnecessary.
Better opening phrase: "dear all"; correct closing phrase: "Regards". You usually choose "yours sincerely" when it is stated the name of the person you are addressing to in the opening.
Dear staff,
ReplyDeleteI must communicate to you that, after a meeting with the trade unions we decided to change your working time.
For this reason we appointed a meeting we all of you on friday 17 of April at 10 AM. This meeting is very important for your future working table
Yours faithfully
Jonh smith
CEO
D.C
The task has been misinterpreted. In the rubric, it is clearly stated that you are the staff representative in a company and you had to write from that point of view.
DeletePG
ReplyDeleteDear Staff,
Due to a change in our working hours which will involve the removal of the first hiatus, we set up a briefing.
Please be advised that the meeting is scheduled for the coming Monday at 3 pm.
It matters participate in order to become aware of the benefits.
Yours faithfully,
Emily Fox
staff representative
🌟🌟 Quite clear and correct in some parts. but not over all.
DeleteA little bit too formal. Here are some mistakes: "the removal of the first hiatus", " it matters participate".
Better opening phrase: "Dear all".
Dear staff,
ReplyDeleteI must inform you that following a meeting with the management, we found the possibility of making changes to working hours.
So I would ask you all to be present at the next meeting on Monday, May 25, at 10 am.
It is very important for your future in the company and will make decisions.
Yours faithfully
Margaret Johnson
Staff representative
AR
🌟🌟 Quite clear and correct in some parts, but not over all. The third sentence needs. improvements.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "Dear all".
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteI must inform you that I am thinking of changing the working hours will change.
For this reason I need to organise a meeting on Saturday at 9 a.m. for discuting all together.
It's important to be present because it will be an occasion to express your opinions.
Yours faithfully,
Julie Robert.
JR&Co.
GM
*I must inform you that I am thinking of changing the working hours.
DeleteI made a mistake!
GM
🌟🌟 Quite clear and correct in some parts, but not over all. The third sentence needs. improvements.
DeleteHere are some mistakes: "I am thinking of changing the working hours will change", "for discuting", "an occasion".
If you use a very formal language (cf yours faithfully) no contracted verbs.
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteDue to the good work that you are making and the proportional performance, we have decided to reduce your working hours by 1 hour.
Please be all present at the meeting for the coming Wednesday, April 22nd at 9 am.
We will decide together when to remove the daily hour.
Yours faithfully,
Chiara Franza
Staff representative
CF
🌟 Unclear and incorrect in most parts. Your email needs a clearer, more natural-sounding English without wasting words.
DeleteHere some mistakes: "the good work that you are making" "the proportional performance" "by 1 hour", "remove the daily hour."
Appropriate opening and closing phrases.
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteI'm writing to inform you that the management expressed the intention to modify our working table.
We've scheduled a meeting on Friday, April 17th, at 3:00pm, in order to discuss the changes and reach an agreement. Please, make sure to be present.
Yours faithfully,
Lawrence Hitchens
Staff Representative
L.D.
🌟🌟🌟🌟 Completely clear, correct and orderly piece of writing.
DeleteHere your only mistake: "working table".
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteI'm writing to inform you that the management would like to change our working hours.
For this reason I would arrange a meeting on Thursday 23rd April.
It's important because we all have to express our opinion so please be present.
Yours faithfully,
Julie Cooper
Staff representative
GF
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteBetter to re-write the third sentence, changing the order of the elements, for example. It. needs a clearer, more natural-sounding English without wasting words.
If you use a very formal language (cf yours faithfully) no contracted verb forms.
Dear staff,
ReplyDeleteI would like to inform you that our company will diminish working hours.
There’s a meeting scheduled on Thursday, April 17th, at 11:00.
It's required that all be present in order to receive more information regarding this new variation.
Yours faithfully,
Alexa Evans
Staff representative
SF
🌟🌟 Quite clear and correct in some parts, but not over all. It. needs a clearer, more natural-sounding English without wasting words and some linkers to create cohesion among the sentences.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "Dear all".
Dear staff,
ReplyDeleteI am writing to inform you that following a new law decree issued this morning, your working hours will be halved.
To receive further information I kindly ask you to be present at the meeting which will take place on Friday 16 April at 9 am. During the meeting your working hours will be given according to the department you are part of
Yours sincerely,
Jessica Spencer.
Staff representative
IK
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteOnly your last sentence needs rewriting. It is not naturally-sounding English
Better opening phrase: "Dear all".
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteI must inform you that I've decided to call a meeting with all of you to discuss the management's proposal as regards the decision to change our working hours label.
So, the meeting will be at 15:00 on Monday 15th.
Yours sincerely,
Holly Gill
Staff representative
VB
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteThe following phrases are not naturally-sounding English: "as regards the decision", "working hours label" "at 15:00.
Correct closing phrase: "Regards". You usually choose "yours sincerely" when it is stated the name of the person you are addressing to in the opening.
Dear colleagues,
ReplyDeletebecause of the shocking business period that the company is living, the working time has been increased by the management by 25%.
For this reason, a meeting has been fixed on the 20th of May at 9.45 am.
You ought to be present, since during the meeting we will decide the new working hours.
Yours faithfully,
Chris P. Bacon
Staff representative
F.B.
🌟🌟🌟🌟 Completely clear, correct and orderly piece of writing.
DeleteDear colleagues,
ReplyDeleteI explain many problems about the new timetable changes.
So, I would like to do a meeting for discuss this situation.
I’d appreciate everyone’s presence. It's important because I need to hear the opinion of all on 8th of November at 9.30 a.m.
Thanks for the attention.
Sincerely,
Emily Ross
Staff representative
AA
🌟🌟 Quite clear and correct in some parts, but not over all. In the first two sentences it is necessary a clearer, more natural-sounding English without wasting words and some linkers to create cohesion among the sentences.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "Dear all". Correct closing phrase: "Regards". You usually choose "yours sincerely" when it is stated the name of the person you are addressing to in the opening.
Dear colleagues,
ReplyDeletedue to the situation that the company is currently facing, working hours will be increased up to 25%.
A meeting has been scheduled on the 18th of April at 10.00 a.m. I advise you to participate.
Yours faithfully,
Christine Maine
Staff representative
RS
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, correct and orderly in all parts. The reason why the meeting is important is not stated.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "Dear all".
ReplyDeleteDear all,
I have been suggested some changes to our working hours, included meeting at least twice a week starting from the new year.
Following management recommendations, we need to arrange a meeting on 7th January 2020 to discuss the changes in order to make an arrangement.
I take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
Yours truly.
John Widley
Staff representative
YC
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteAppropriate opening and closing phrases.
Too wordy. The following phrases are not naturally-sounding English: "included meeting", "make an arrangement", "I take this opportunity to".
Dear colleagues,
ReplyDeleteI am writing because I want to inform you that there will be a meeting on Tuesday 25 at 5 p.m.
There will be a radical change of the working hours because there are lots of people that they are dissatisfated of this timetable.
It's important that all of you will participate. In this way you can express your personal opinion.
Yours sincerely,
Gigi Smith
I forgot the name... F.D.P.
Delete🌟🌟🌟🌟 Completely clear, correct and orderly piece of writing.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "dear all"; correct closing phrase: "Regards". You usually choose "yours sincerely" when it is stated the name of the person you are addressing to in the opening.
📌 You have handed your assignment in late. The deadline was on Thursday 16th April at 1 pm.
DeleteEsteemed colleagues,
ReplyDeleteDue to the expansion of Maclaren's Pub, I'm announcing you that the working time has been increased by the management by 20%.
I've scheduled a meeting on Thursday, 23rd April, at 6 p.m in order to discuss new changes in working hours. Be there on time. Latness isn't an option.
Yours truly,
Barney "wait for it" Stinson
Staff representative
Mr. S.A.G.
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteBetter opening phrase: "dear all"; no serious signature.
📌 You have handed your assignment in late. The deadline was on Thursday 16th April at 1 pm.
DeleteDear staff of the company,
ReplyDeleteDue to the changes in progress that the Management is proposing, I would like to set up a meeting with all staff to discuss and talk about changes to working time.
I would like the meeting to be held on Monday, April 20 at 3 p.m.
It’s a very important meeting so I want you all to be there to make the right changes for each of you.
I thank you for all the work you do.
Yours faithfully,
Eveline Smith
Staff Representative
ES
🌟🌟🌟 Most clear, quite correct and orderly in all parts.
DeleteToo wordy. The following phrases are not naturally-sounding English: "Due to the changes in progress that the Management is proposing" and o make the right changes for each of you"
Better opening phrase: "Dear all".